Little known facts about Sandy Grungerson:
1. She has any number of inappropriate crushes on sexist and/or racist historical male figures. John C. Calhoun, Andrew Jackson and J.F.K., I’m looking at you*.
*But mostly you, JCC.
2. She possesses one of the most impressive or embarrassing iTunes libraries, depending on your perspective. Contains a single playlist of “current” music, surrounded by only the best of Broadway! Musical! Theater! as well as ABBA, Gaga, Kylie Minogue, Ke-dollar sign-ha, and not one, but two albums of “80s Rock Goes Punk!”
3. Based on the above, she may or may not secretly be a 47-year-old retired drag queen, wrapped in a faux-cheetah stole, stroking a fluffy cat while dramatically smearing tear-stained make-up in front of a large vanity. Authorities are looking into this.
4. She was voted “Most Likely To Become a MILF” as her senior superlative. Other potential superlatives: “Most Likely to Become the Next Edie Beale, Surrounded by her 20 Cats,” “Most Self-Aware Preppy Douchebag,” “Best Transformation from Preppy to Bangin’ Flannel-Loving Hipster” and “Most Enthusiastic Interpretation of the South African Language.”
5. She’s really into scat. Like, pretty much every day. Sometimes for an hour or two. You can watch if you want.
6. She really enjoys a nice
bottle glass of wine on a Friday or Saturday night. Other keys to her heart include: red velvet cupcakes, Love Actually, chinese food, anything with bows, and a million of ballet flats.
7. In high school, a good three-to-four-hour block was reserved per day for television watching. This has resulted in an expansive knowledge of pop-culture and no life. However, if for some reason you need to know the name of the actor that starred in the Disney Channel Original Cinematic Masterpiece Brink!, she is your lady*.
*It’s Eric Von Detten, and he is a 90s-god-amongst-men.
8. She once went to camp to learn how to program fighting robots and write HTML. This came directly before the hardcore skateboarding phase, in which she sported checkered Vans and zip-off cargo pants, tore up the half-pipe, and quoted Rocket Power like only the coolest kid outside of Hot Topic can.
9. She would like to thank God, her parents, and her teachers for allowing her this incredible, life-changing experience. Also, to be in the company of such talented, beautiful women is truly an honor, and she hopes that they can all work together someday, perhaps in the forthcoming sequel to the AFI Top 100 film, “The Nutty Professor Deux: The Klumps.”
And these are little known facts that noooooooow…you knooooow! (You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown reference. What up.) Stick around as I blow your mind with scintillating commentary on the latest blockbusters, awards shows and everything else that tickles my fancy*.